Pink is out, the stash is in
The Teenage
Characteristics: Seemingly pre-pubescent, this moustache must be worn with the swagger of a 13 year old whose lost his virginity.
Benefits: Really brings out the power in your upper-lip. Talking a lot of smack is a must in order to draw attention to your manhood.
Slogan: “I’m no boy baby, I’m a man. I’ll see you on MSN.”
The Beater
Characteristics: Deceptionally beautiful, this moustache really brings out the class in a class-act.
Benefits: This moustache is thin and oriented to the south of the upper lip, creating less disruption to the passage of nose candy.
Slogan: “Shut up. I will look whatever way I fucking want to. Now where’s that dolla’ bill.”
The Diddler
Characteristics: So thin, so crisp, so clean. Gives you that “just been offered candy by a complete stranger” feeling. And you liked it.
Benefits: Well, I guess it all depends what you’re into.
Slogan: “You’re really beautiful. Did you know that? There’s so much I want to share with you.
The Selleck
Characteristics: Strong, defined, and overtly sexual. This moustache is the epitome of what it means to be a man.
Benefits: Fuckin’, lots of it.
Slogan: “You don’t make guest appearences on Friends for nothing. I mean, you have to be one fucking attractive person to be on that show.”
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