Ho-couture Rams style!

Posted on Tuesday, October 3, 2006
Written by Karon Liu

Call me a dreamer, an idealist, or an editor
freaking out on a Sunday night (because we don’t have an article that fits in these two columns) but I have a certain vision for the Ryerson community that would put us on the map.

Four words: Ryerson’s Next Top Model.

Canada’s Next Top Model was a disaster. The winner resembled the love child of the Joker and the Scarecrow, and host Tricia Helfer didn’t bring the contrived melodrama and hypocrisy that Tyra Banks brings weave after weave.

So Ryerson should come to the rescue and show America’s Next Top Model that our girls can just be as bitchy and deluded as bed-wetter Monique.
First up, the judges.

The role of runway guru Miss Jay will be filled by our resident mute mascot, Eggy the Ram. Imagine him teaching the girls how to strut and stomp down the walkway that connects the RCC and Kerr Hall. When it comes to judging, he can give either a hoof up, or a hoof down to any contestant that failed to pose with a bullhorn in a sexy manner.

Nora Loreto, vice president education will take on the role of silver-haired, orange-skined Mr. Jay as art director. Why? She’s got the voice to command 12 prima donnas (have you seen her hold down a crowd during Ram in the Rye Open Mic Night?).

Tyra herself will be replaced by Sheldon Levy because they both have a keen business sense, the ability to relate to youth, and legs that go on for miles.

For an edgy photoshoot, the contestants will find themselves in the bowels of the Dungeon (the engineering lounge in Kerr Hall), dressed in
skin-tight, duck-tape jumpsuits posing as glamazon warriors from the future.

As for the challenges, the girls will be given two minutes to transform a Ryerson sweater from the bookshop into a fun cocktail dress, and the winner (along with two other contestants) will get to dine with Ryerson’s who’s-who at Salad King.

The obligatory high-fashion destination will take the contestants to the exotic Lake Devo where they’ll model swimsuits on top of the majestic waterfall, and that folding table that someone threw in.

So what fabulous prizes will Ryerson’s Next Top Model receive? Twenty-five dollars worth of Rams gear, a spread in the undergraduate calender, and a campaign with the Used Bookstore.