Perpetuating the myth: You will be categorized into a confining clique
The conversations that you have with your friends usually start with:
a) “A Starbucks? We only had a No Frills and a bus stop at home.”
b) “Who else disagreed with the professor’s view on the state of existentialism in contemporary society?”
c) “That’s the worst billboard ad I’ve ever seen—the lighting’s all wrong, the colours clash and the model looks like a real-life Picasso.
d) “This concrete and steel is ugly, when’s the last time we saw a bush?”
e) “Come on, leggings without a skirt? What is this, Sluts on Ice?”
f) “Let’s ditch English, fire up a doobie, and push an old lady into a lake.”
An accessory that’s always on you:
a) A photo of you skinny-dipping after eating those mystery berries.
b) A watch with a built-in calculator function for emergency equations.
c) White and yellow paint stains in the utmost unfortunate areas.
d) A Swiss-Army knife in case of a bear attack in the Podium building.
e) A certain French monogrammed purse that holds exactly one tube of lipstick. Backpacks are so pedestrian.
f) Two form-fitting silver bracelets with an intricate chain, aka handcuffs.
In high school, you were voted most likely to…
a) I have no idea—my ass was on a plane as soon as exams were over.
b) Usurp a Fortune 500 CEO, create a monopoly, yet have a bad haircut.
c) Mistake a tube of paint for toothpaste.
d) Take a bullet for a squirrel.
e) Marry rich, divorce, then keep the ring. Marry rich, get a prenup, divorce, and keep the ring. Marry rich, get a prenup, divorce, and then keep the ring and the pool boy.
f) Have relations with my parole officer.
Biggest turn-off in potential mates:
a) They ask if my hometown has running water, electricity, and a phone.
b) They use improper MLA citation and cannot remember their student number off by heart.
c) They think a Ninja Turtle painted the Sistine Chapel.
d) They threw a plastic bottle in the garbage can, not the recycling bin.
e) They think Oscar de la Renta is a character on Sesame Street.
f) They possess ethics and morals.
Ideal way to spend reading week:
a) Back at home, in the calm and quiet countryside, drinking lemonade and eating Mom’s marvelous meatloaf.
b) Sending an e-mail to my prof, requesting him to make the the next exam more challenging.
c) Sketching old, wrinkly prostitutes in Montmatre, Paris.
d) Pelting log-cutters in Thailand with elephant dung.
e) Previewing the spring/summer collections from Chanel.
f) Breaking the sound barrier on the Auto Ban in Germany.
What do you think of this issue of The Eyeopener?
a) It’s a great tool for making friends and an even better way to get acquainted with Toronto.
b) Uh, shouldn’t a newspaper have actual news?
c) I love the graphics.
d) What percentage of it is made from recycled paper?
e) It’s “scoop.” “Hot” is so 2004.
f) Who cares? You do realize it’s Frosh Week and there’s alcohol, right?
If you answered mostly...
A) The Coastal Kid
Scared and nervous but excited for the new school year. Just remember to walk towards the CN Tower if you’re lost.
On a first date:
Some go to see a scary movie while others go on a haunted tour of Toronto! Go to
www.muddyyorktours.com for more information.
On Friday night:
The Village at Church and Wellesley proudly showcases one of Toronto’s most diverse neighbourhoods. Catch a drag show, have a drink, and dance until the sun comes up.
For Free:
Check out the largest Chinatown in the country located at the corner of Spadina and Dundas. Browse the markets for fresh and new ingredients for dinner. And for culture’s sake, get some noodles or sushi or something!
On a day off:
Take yourself out to a ball game. Enjoy a game at the Rogers Centre or the Air Canada Centre to support our Toronro teams. Afterwards, take a tour at the Hockey Hall of Fame and get your picture taken with the Stanley Cup.
Before and after class:
Have your 15 minutes of fame with Speakers Corner at the Chum City Building. Just make sure you’re sober when the camera is rolling.
B) The Strict Scholar
Intelligent, disciplined and top of your class. Hold on to your textbooks and prepare to be hated by many.
On a first date:
Log on to Ryerson’s online database of endless articles and journals on any subject you can dream of and snuggle up in a cubicle.
On Friday night:
Head over to the Royal Ontario Museum—admission is free after 4:30 p.m. Delve into the world of intricate archaelogy, detailed sculptures and abstract paintings.
For free:
The Toronto Public Library at Bay and Bloor St. has a good archive system, which allows you to look at papers from more than 100 years ago. You’ll be surprised how amusing it is to look at tonic and corset ads from the 1900s.
On a day off:
See how your favourite news programs are brought to you every night by taking a guided tour at the CBC or Chum City building. Behind-the-scenes excursions are always an adventure. A must-see for any arts and communication student.
Before and after class:
BMV, the used bookstore next to World’s Biggest Book Store, may be smaller, but it’s also cheaper. New titles are also available at half price. Change CodeChange Code
C) The Art Aficionado
Prefering to stay away from the spotlight, you were a bohemian before that movie about can-can girls.
On a first date:
Have a debate about contemporary art at the Power Plant gallery down at the Harbourfront. Grab a scoop of ice cream at Queen’s Quay.
On Friday night:
The Reservoir Lounge on Wellington has live jazz and blues act that’ll soothe your soul. The affordable menu with the regular fix-ins goes well with the long drink menu.
For Free:
After class on Wednesday, head over to the famous Art Gallery of Ontario where admission is free from 6 to 9 p.m. But if you want to catch the Andy Warhol exhibit you’ll have to pay an extra $15 for student admission.
On a day off:
When was the last time you went to see the monkeys do the nasty at the zoo? Sketch something other than a bowl of fruit and go to the Metro Toronto Zoo. Check out
www.torontozoo.com for a complete animal listing.
Before and after class:
Browse through the Toronto Antiques Centre where anything from war medals to century-old maps can be found. Go to
www.torontoantiquectr.com.
D) The Nature Nut
Easy going but energetic and passionate. You’re the one saving the world from those who want to rule it.
On a first date:
Go biking at the Beach and trek the twisty trails and walk past some romantic shores. Bring a picnic basket and feed each other Nature Valley bars.
On Friday night:
Check out the sunset from Riverdale Park (15 minutes from Broadview Station) where you can see the Toronto skyline and the Don Valley—you can’t see the stars, but there’s smog.
For Free:
Travel to Edward Gardens. Take some photos, smell some flowers, go for a walk, whatever, but be sure to look around a lot. This picturesque place has quaint gardens, wooden arch bridges, gazebos and even a water wheel.
On a day off:
Go on a photography expedition at Allan Gardens, a conservatory full of exotic plants (16 000 square feet of six huge greenhouses to be exact). Best of all, admission is free! Go to http://collections.ic.gc.ca./gar
dens for hours and directions.
Before and after class:
Take a peaceful walk through the Toronto Necropolis, one of the city’s oldest cemetaries. Go to
www.mountpleasantgroupofcemeteries.ca.
E) The Sophomore Socialite
Fashionable and funny but packs enough spice to out sass a drag queen on a good weave day.
On a first date:
Who says socialites have to be skinny bitches? Have a big dinner at Pappa’s Grill (440 Danforth Ave.). Save some room for cake.
On Friday night:
Fashion Night at the Tonic Nightclub is your chance to strut your stuff. Get dressed up (or down) and hit the prospect-filled dance floor. Go to
www.tonicnightclub.com.
For free:
Take a walk in Rosedale where mansions and millionaires litter the area. Watch suit-laden men and Botox-ed women chat on their Blackberries. Catch a glimpse of the high life before shelling out half of your paycheck for rent.
On a day off:
Take the subway and venture north of Bloor station to other malls: Yorkdale is bustling and upscale, Fairview Mall at Sheppard station has essential stores without crowds and, west of downtown, Sherway Gardens has the most to offer.
Before and after class:
The Bata Shoe Museum is the motherland for slaves of stilletos. Gravel at the celebrity fancy footwear from Marilyn Manson to Pablo Picasso.
F) The Rowdy Rebel
You somehow managed to graduate despite a Grade 12 average that could be counted on two hands. Don’t screw this up.
On a first date:
Watch knights go medieval on each other’s asses, literally, at Medieval Times in Exhibition Place. It’s the 11th century so there’s no table manners.
On Friday night:
Not every campus has the honour of being located on the same block as a strip club. Flush out those exam frustrations (and other tensions) at Toronto’s unofficial landmark, Zanzibar.
For Free:
Get connected with the latest events at www.newmindspace.com where random street parties and games break out in the middle of downtown. It’s a great way to freak people out without the hassle of police warrants and pepper spray.
On a day off:
Take up rock climbing at the Toronto Climbing Academy. No previous experience is needed and gear can be rented. Just bring a spare change of clothes, you’ll be drentched in sweat in minutes. Go to
www.climbingacademy.com.
Before and after class:
Take out the frustration of trying to register on RAMSS by blasting away at zombies in the Arcade across from Sam the Record Man.
Which stereotype do you fall into?
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