The wide world of smut
In the spirit of the upcoming Olympic games, it is important to celebrate all one's home country has to offer. Ergo, here are some Canuck porn sites that would make any beaver proud to be Canadian.
Models Online (http://www.modelsonline.ca) is a great Playboy-esque site where it's clean layout and lack of "Oh my god! What the hell are they doing?" shock value provides a touch of class when viewing galleries of Canadian Playboy and Mystique models. For $9.95 US per month, you'll get access to thousands of photographs, behind the scenes videos and live webcasts. After an hour of careful "research" in the preview galleries, I have yet to find any stretch marks, bruises or an unattractive lady. They're posing in schoolgirl outfits, lingerie and coyly covering their breasts with a very thin t-shirt. In fact it's more like a Victoria's Secret catalogue where it's sexy without being sleazy (think Weezer's "Beverly Hills").
Nude Male Dancers (http://www.nudemaledancers.com/) is what it is: muscular male strippers doing their "thang" live from the Stock Bar, a gay strip club in Montreal. The free trailer comprises of generic clips of the dancers doing back flips, pushups and oddly taking a bath on the stage. For $29.95 USD, you'll get a month-long access to live-feeds from the club every day, dancer galleries, videos and chat rooms. Finally, a chance to talk to get a stripper's opinion on the softwood lumber dispute!
For those who like their porn more homemade-looking, Amateur Canada (http://www.amateurcanada.com) features real (code word for flab, sag and nipples the size of dinner plates) galleries and videos of women from coast to coast bending over in public bathrooms and having a little to much fun with their shower head. A monthly membership of $24.95 US (what happened to the Canadian aspect people?) allows access to, in addition to all the dozens of galleries and movies, other amateur girl-on-girl sites. However, I thought that people watch porn to escape from the ordinary so I still don't understand why anyone would want porn that looks like their neighbours made.
And finally, here's a site that I'm not even going to open with the Jaws of Life because the mere description of it is going to give me nightmares. Menstrual Pics (www.menstrual-pics.com) is a site where, I'm not kidding folks, offers "Pictures of teens on their period and changing tampons". First of all, let's hope that their definition of "teen" is the same as Hollywood's in which twenty-somethings try to pass themselves off as high school students. Secondly I'm not a woman but from what I've unwillingly heard from my female friends, getting a period isn't exactly a sexy good time unless bloated chicks that complain about being fat gets you off...sickie.
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